No Trophy Needed : Patronizing Women’s Choices in Natural Birth
Why is planning to birth unmedicated so triggering?
If you've ever shared with someone that you're planning an unmedicated birth, you probably know the look. It’s a mix of skepticism, concern, and sometimes even judgment. Wouldn’t it sound condescending and silly if we applied the same dismissive language often heard about unmedicated birth to other aspects of health? Just take a moment to consider these phrases:
“You know there’s no medal for working out.”
“Once you start that first marathon, you’ll be begging to sit out.”
“Diet plans never work out; you can’t control weight.”
“Why go through all that pain when you can just take a weight loss shot?”
Now, let’s think: Why is it considered normal to hear these types of comments when someone mentions their desire to give birth unmedicated?
The Double Standard
When discussing health and fitness, people rarely encounter the same judgment that women face when expressing their birth plans. Do you think men ever hear these condescending remarks if they talk about wanting to build muscle mass or complete a distance race? Most likely not. Instead, they are often met with encouragement and support, with their aspirations celebrated as legitimate goals.
Women planning no epidural often encounter condescending remarks that undermine their efforts and understanding. Critics may dismiss their preferences with comments like, “You know that things rarely go as planned in labor, right?” These statements not only imply a lack of seriousness but also suggest that the woman hasn't considered the realities of childbirth. Women creating birth plans often encounter condescending remarks that undermine their efforts and understanding, while implying that you must be naive to plan such a thing.
The Culture of Medicalized Birth
One of the things we don’t often talk about is how people’s own birth experiences influence their reactions to someone planning an unmedicated birth. Many who make these discouraging comments are people who have had their own births medicalized—sometimes in ways they didn’t want or didn’t plan for. Maybe they felt pressured into an intervention or didn’t feel fully supported in their choices, and as a result, they may carry feelings of regret or even shame.
Instead of processing those feelings, it can be easier to project them onto someone else. By discouraging another person’s plan for an unmedicated birth, they might be unconsciously trying to justify their own experience or protect themselves from feeling like they “failed.” After all, if an unmedicated birth is difficult or impossible, then their own experience of choosing or ending up with medical intervention feels more validated.
I’ve been in these exact shoes. My induction led to the “cascade of interventions” I had learned about, yet I still didn’t feel able to stop. After my cesarean, I spent a long time processing feelings of shame and guilt, convincing myself that my circumstances were unavoidable and that I had no other options. Telling myself there was nothing I could have done made the sense of failure feel a little less intense. The truth is—I didn’t fail. I was uninformed, unsupported, and I did the best I could in those circumstances. But it’s also true that I might have avoided much of that trauma by taking a birth education course, switching providers, and trusting my instincts.
Shifting the Narrative
We need to shift the conversation around unmedicated birth. Instead of judgment, let’s foster a culture of understanding and support. When someone shares their desire for an unmedicated birth, let’s celebrate their courage and commitment. Just as we cheer on those striving for fitness goals, we should believe that women are capable, informed, and will accomplish their goals. Just like you would if she told you she was planning to run a 5k.
